see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
