Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
