Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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