please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
