I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
