when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
