i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
