is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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