new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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