Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
