I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
