so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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