i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
