i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
