No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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