yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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