She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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