When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize