His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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