My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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