Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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