fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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