i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
