fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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