Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
