my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
