She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
