nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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