yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
