I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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