How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
