Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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