im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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