She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
