i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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