3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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