Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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