Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am available for nakedness
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
