everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
