now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
