I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
