that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
