OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
