Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
