based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
