So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
