I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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