I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
