If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
