matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
