when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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