Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
