just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
