when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
