I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
