Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
