she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
