Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
