i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
