this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
