i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
