Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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