In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
