i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Lo siento on account of my penis...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
