its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
