I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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