I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
