You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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