Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
