Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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